Lots of Learning: Our Conception Journey
Before you read this, please know that this is really sensitive information. I welcome all comments and questions, positive and critical openly, but if you are a more shy or sensitive reader, this post may not be for you.
In my post that announced we’re expecting a baby, I mentioned that we had kind of a conception journey, and that I wanted to share more. This feels really intimate, but I think young women have a lot of questions about bodies and pregnancy, so it’s important to me to share in the hopes that someone else finds it helpful.
In my last post, I said “This baby was wanted and divinely inspired by so many wonderful people thinking, praying and wishing him or her in to existence.” Last fall, we decided that 2018 was going to be the year of the baby for our household. I went off of hormonal birth control in October, and thankfully, got my cycle back right away, and experienced zero symptoms of post birth control syndrome. I had done a lot of research about this, and was worried, but also confident that I had done enough work to reduce inflammation and increase health over the past few years that I’d be okay. I had a totally normal 35 day cycle that came with regularity.
I feel like young women are currently hearing two stories about conception—or at least that’s what I was hearing. I was either hearing about people who got pregnant on their first try and they weren’t ready! Or couples for whom conception took months or even years. Both are scary, but obviously I’d hoped we’d be in the first category.
If you know me, you know I am a data junkie and an information collector—my friends and family often laugh when I share my random facts followed by “how do you KNOW that!?” So I wanted to do a few things before we got started to make sure everything was right. I changed my dr. to a functional medicine dr. who would help me make sure I was as healthy as I felt, I downloaded an app to track my cycle, ordered a thermometer, started seeing a Reiki practitioner on a regular basis, and started reading about what you should do when you first became pregnant. So by March, we decided we had the data and peace of mind to believe we were ready.
I want to clarify this term “ready.” I don’t know if I’ll EVER feel ready to have a baby, but before March 2018, I can say I was scared. When that scared feeling went away every time I thought about it, that’s when I knew I was ready. (Michael on the other hand has been ready since our honeymoon, and I’ve been the one pumping the brakes).
And nothing happened….
I dutifully took my temperature every morning at the exact same time, and just figured if we listed to the app, it would happen. But it didn’t. I got my regular cycle in March and in April and then May happened….or rather nothing happened.
I took a pregnancy test, but it said negative, and I didn’t feel anything. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have pretty strong intuition, which I have practiced listening to, and it just wasn’t dinging any baby bells. But still, nothing happened.
In early June, I went to get a facial, and the lovely young lady giving my facial (hiiiiii Liiiii) asked if she could do a specific treatment on me. I said yep sounds great (I’ll do juuuuuuuuuust about anything for beautiful face skin). And she asked me if I was pregnant (I said no.) I began churning with internal anxiety and I was thinking “well I could be…should I tell her?” I decided to tell her, I nervously said “when you asked if I was pregnant…I said no, but I might be? I’m not sure.” She said, “okay,” laughed and then said “It’s funny, you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I got a pregnancy vibe from you and so I didn’t do it.” She continued, “I’m a doula, so I think about pregnancy a lot. If I were you I’d go across the street to CVS and buy a pregnancy test right after this.” Lianna gave me her phone number and told her to text me with the results. I went, peed on another stick, and again, nothing.
I decided it was time to bring in the big guns—something wasn’t right. So I went to see Daisy, the Reiki master I had been seeing since January. She spent the entire session with a singing bowl on my pelvic region. When we were done she said, “You had a lot of energy stuck in your second chakra. I think we cleared it all, but we still have some work to do.”
I got my period the next morning. After 47 days ( I have the exact data thanks to the app).
Anyway, I was a little upset and frustrated, but couldn’t figure out what to do, so I did what I usually do in that situation…start to research. I bought the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and it changed everything. Short version is this: I was waiting for the app to tell us when my temperature was up, thinking that was the time I was most fertile. Turns out, once your temp goes up, you’ve already missed the window. So we were literally doing it wrong.
I called Lianna (she and I had become good friends by then by checking in on each other) and she not only talked me through it, but agreed that it was amazing that women know so little about their bodies. We spend the majority of our lives trying not to get pregnant, and then everyone just says it will happen when you are ready. Anyway, armed with my new information, Lianna was pretty convinced that we would have some luck this upcoming month.
I saw Daisy again, and after our session this time she said, “are you trying to get pregnant?” I hadn’t shared that with her—I definitely wasn’t keeping it a secret. She said “I’m sensing very strong maternal energy from you. The angels want you to know that they know. They’re looking, they’re searching, but they just haven’t found your baby yet.” I felt an enormous amount of relief in that moment. Our baby was out there, but we just hadn’t found each other yet, because our baby wasn’t just anyone’s baby, it was a special baby that the Angles or Universe or God was going to find just for us.
And they did, in that very next month.
Our baby was touched and loved and wanted by many wonderful women before he or she was even in existence and I am just so so grateful for that.
Stay tuned for a first trimester recap!